This IS My Reality!

When i was in elementary school, i signed up for basketball. All i came away with was that, with that darned ball, came A LOT of pressure!!! The less time I had it in my hands, the better off i was. Then and there I realized that I did not have the competitiveness or tenacity for team sports. So I found art and grew in that for a time, but i think if i had had a great art teacher that inspired me, i would have gone farther.

Instead I found ballet. I was in the 6th grade. A girlfriend of mine said she was going to sign up at the only ballet school in smallville. My fear of trying/joining new GROUP things started early. But curiosity helped me ignore my fear and my mom brought me to the school to register. Figures.... my friend never showed.

I had never "danced" before, so they put me in the beginner class. With the LITTLE girls. I was 2 feet taller than all of them, at least! I felt rediculous. But i fell in love with the teacher! She was beautiful! Her blond flowing hair fell down past her waist - her chiffon skirt floated behind her as she walked - every bit the dream picture of a true ballerina. She inspired me! And thankfully she told me it was only temporary, that i would have to be with the itty bittys. She just needed to see ..... basically how good/bad i was. Much to my ego's pleasure, i was told i had lots of natural ability and quickly zoomed up the ladder to a class of girls my own age. I fell in love with ballet, and didn't stop until the day i graduated from highschool!

My sadness at having to give it up for practical reasons was tempered with the thought that when i had a daughter of my own some day, i would have the pleasure again, even if only as a spectator and.... ok, maybe just a little source of inspiration. I mean i would still have my video tapes of me as the Snow Queen in the Nutcracker.... (a pa de dux and everything!) just in case she would ever like to see mommy in her hayday! And so that dream got put prominently on the "Looking Forward To" shelf in my head. I even saved 1 pair of many a beat up and torturous toe shoes, tights, and my favorite skirt!

Tonight..... 15 years later..... i'v just signed two out of my three all male children up for the Cal Ripkin Farm League Baseball, - their very first organized team sport.

(Go ahead, if you need to grab a hanky... I don't mind waiting. )

This is a very big step for me. At last i have put my little dream to rest, and faced my childhood fears all at the same time!! There will be no ballet class or recital. But that's ok. I'm not alone. Every parent has dreams they would have loved to dream through their children, but never got the chance.

This is a new stage. I have new things to embrace as a mother of three sons. It's time to turn the focus off of myself. I know virtually nothing about team sports, outside of the "blond basics". So i get to look forward to broadening my horizons. I really look forward to the cheering on. I look forward to learning even more about my children. What will this bring out in them? What will surprize me? I look forward to identifying with a new group of adults. And while it' s true that we have chosen to refrain from a lot of typical childhood activities for certain reasons, but yes to others .......

it's yes to baseball! Woooo hooo! I'm scared to death, but "GO TIGERS! OR DRAGONS! OR WHATERVER THE HECK NAME YOUR TEAM WILL HAVE!

Stay tuned for pictures!